This ain't a fairytale.

I sit on my bed typing this blog, and I can't help but think about what life has in store for me, or for anyone. I watch the news, and I think about people whose lives are crumbling right before their eyes, and then I think about the people who don't have one worry in the world. How is that fair? It isn't. It boggles my mind that people can do terrible terrible things to others, and don't even feel any type of pain or agony about it. I watched a story on the news about a woman who was raped by her older brother, and then he tried to kill her. I watched it, and my heart completely sunk. Not because of how terrible her situation was, but because that kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME, everywhere in the world... And it goes completely overlooked. I consider myself a fairly aware person, but still, nobody can truly know the extent of what type of horror and terror goes on in our world.

What made me post this blog is because a boy at my school came to school completely bruised, cut up, and aweful looking. He left class early, and we later found out it was because his dad beat him up, and pushed him down the stairs. This boy's family goes to church, and are seemingly good people. None of us know what types of things go on behind closed doors. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Things are bad everywhere, and for everyone. I wish that I could look past the bad things, and focus on the good... But it is really freaking hard sometimes. I feel like an idiot for focusing on boys, and clothes, and whatever, when things like that are happening all around me.



I need a reality check.
God, I do.

MEOW...

So, funny story.

Today I get into my car to drive to school, and right as I am pulling out of my drive way...

I HEAR A KITTEN MEOWING. So I got out of the car and found it, and held it, and it was so nice.

So I took it into my house, and my dad said he would keep it at home until we found the owners.

On my way home from school, I found a lost kitten sign, so we called... The kitty is back home, but I felt like a hero today. (:

And again, the lyrics move me.

I watch the people in some of my classes, that have tons of friends, and crazy drama in their lives... And it is bitter sweet for me. I am the girl who has a record player in my room, and will sit on a Saturday night and read two books in a row. I have never been one who jumps on the opportunity to go to a party. I have always kind of prided myself in that. But now, watching these kids who have these incredible social lives... I can't help but wonder if I am going to look back on my years in high school with regret.

These kids will be able to tell there kids about their high school experiences, and crazy parties, and the boys they dated. Sure, I have dated boys, but they have never been those cool football players that you think of when you think of the classic high school experience. Boys like that have taken an intrest in me, but they have never been the type of guy I have been attracted to. I just hope I don't regret how I spent my time in high school.


I love music, and I am starting to pay alot more attention to lyrics than I did before. I notice that most artists have been through something really difficult in their lives... Which is almost a nessesity if you are going to write songs like that. I play guitar, and have written some stuff, but I would love to be able to sit, and let lyrics flow onto paper. I think that my problem is that I think too much.

One more thing before I go. I am facing constant conflict between childhood and adulthood. It sounds so cliche, but I have such a hard time letting go of my past. I can't throw alot of things away because I am afraid of loosing memories. High school is almost over, and the rest of my life is beggining. It is the scariest thing I will ever have to face I think.




I promise I am not as depressing a person as I come off as in these blogs.:D

Play that music baby.

Agghh. I have to say, I am walking on clouds right now. This boy I have been seeing is being so awesome to me, and I really like him so much. I went over to his house last night to watch a movie, and I fell asleep in his arms. It was perfect. 

The only thing that honestly worries me, is that I don't think  I will ever feel for him the same way I felt for that other guy. With the other boy, we had that firey, passionate feeling. When we kissed, my legs felt like they were going to give out. I LOVED that feeling. I feel like I should have it for this new guy... Because he is so much nicer, sweeter, and over all better for me then the old one. But the other guy had something about him that made me crazy. I want that feeling back.

And to be perfectly honest, I fear that if he ever wanted to get back together with me... I would do it in a heart beat. And the sad part is, he knows that I am there whenever he would need me. I am his backup plan.

Help me shake this feeling?

Please.

P.S. It is FREEZING HERE.

Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere like... Arizona, or New Mexico. I would plant a cactus in my front yard. :P

I live in a town that if something happens, everyone knows about it.

If someone kisses someone new, someone knows about it.

If you fight with a friend... You are either the one that EVERYONE feels sorry for, or the one that everyone hates.

I met a tourist who came into the shop I work at, and she said my town reminds her of Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls.

I fucking wish.

Everyone in Gilmore Girls loves eachother.

Sometimes it seems everyone here hates eachother.

Actually, they do.

Blah blah blah.

When I started this blog, I thought, "Wow, this is going to be the perfect place to vent my frustration, anger, happiness, and whatever else I am feeling in my life. And no one will know who I am! This is awesome." Then after I wrote my first blog, I stopped writing because I felt like anyone from my school, or that I was writing about could some how stumble along and read my blog... And then by some crazy chance just figure out that it was me. Crazy, right? Yes. Yes it is. I started reading this girl named Danielle's blog... And she totally changed my perspective on blogging. I really hope she doesn't think that I am crazy that I read her blog religiously, but I think that this girl is incredible for spilling her heart and soul out on a blog for everyone, even people that know her, to read. She posted a blog recently that said she feels comftorable doing that on here. Wow, she can write about everything going on in her life... And here I am, blogging without even showing my true identity. Like people even care that much.

Honestly, I have the feeling if I did put my real name, pictures or whatever up on here... No one would even care that much. No one, except my very best friends, even cares about me that much. I hide behind a mask when I am at school. I put up a front, that I really wish I didn't have, because it is not me. I want people to know who I really am. But it is too scary.

I feel like I am starting to ramble... But on a lighter note, yesterday was Valentines day, and it was my very first Valentines day with a date. It was amazing... We went out onto a peir on the lake (michigan) which is really more like an ocean haha... And we kissed for the first time. He is so nice to me, and I am getting to the point that I feel like I can really tell him about stuff.

Again though, thank you Danielle, for the awesome blogs... It amazes me to see someone who is so comftorable in their own skin.



Live, Laugh, be Dizzy<3

Wow. It has been a really long time since I even posted a blog. I read some other people's, but have never posted any of my own. The last one that I posted was in NOVEMBER. If you read that blog, you would think I was a crazy person, and let me tell you... At that time in my life I was. I was blinded by love. I wish I wasn't, but I was. I can't face the facts that I was IN LOVE with this boy, and still probably am a little bit. I hate myself for it.

I am not going to talk about this, because it hurts to much. Today is Valentines day. I have a date, with this awesome guy that I have already been on a few dates with. I am happy with the way my life is going right now, but there are still, and will always be some minor flaws.

Not much to say as of right now, except that one person that I can relate to is Taylor Swift. I can relate to her music like you have no idea.



"White Horse" pretty much describes how I feel about my past relationships.

"Say your sorry, that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to.
As I pace back and forth all this time, cuz I honestly believed in you.
Holdin on the days drag on, stupid girl, I should have known, I should have know.

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale, I'm not the one you'll
sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell this ain't Hollywood, this is a
small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's
too late for you and your white horse to come around."



Love, Laugh, be Dizzy<3